It’s the middle of the night. I’m probably going to get in trouble for blogging in the middle of the night, but I can’t help it. My Daddy and I are a few hours apart, and we knew we would have to deal with this when we decided to get together, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m getting to the point where I’m struggling not to throw all my shit that will fit in my car and move up there. I’m not that irresponsible or irrational, but that romantic girl in me thinks that it might not be the worst idea ever to just walk away from my life here. I have a job, school and so many friends and family members here that there is no way I would do that, but it’s still niggling in the back of my mind.
I miss my sweet Daddy who holds me when I cry and tells me I’m not being an overly emotional twit (which I soooo am). I miss my mean Daddy who fucks me with his hand on my throat, growling in my ear, “cum for me whore.” I miss my boifriend who is the most amazing gentleman, he opens doors for me, holds my hand and walks on the traffic side of the sidewalk every time. I’ve never been treated like such a precious thing, and it almost overwhelms me. I miss my friend and lover who jokes with me, laughs with me. I miss him. I miss sleeping next to him.
But, I also am so glad we’re doing this right. We’re not losing our minds and renting a u-haul truck, packing up my stuff and withdrawing me from school. We’re being level headed, responsible and smart. He respects me so much he would never let me put myself at the bottom of the priority list, and so he makes sure I know that school is a priority, my schooling is important to both of us. I don’t know how to be important to someone else. Normally by now I’d be looking for a million reasons to cut and run, but for him I’m not even making that an option. It’s a hard tumble down the rabbit hole, but when you get to the bottom, you’re in Wonderland.