I don’t brat. As a submissive I find myself repulsed by the quality in myself. Other subs brat and it doesn’t bother me one iota. But me? I need to be the good girl, all the time. I need to know that I please him, all the time. And today I find myself being a shit head bratty little S.A.M. for no apparent reason. Maybe it’s my hormones, maybe it’s the distance, maybe I’m just having an off day like my Daddy says, but it’s wrecking me right now. I don’t behave this way. I don’t question and talk back, I don’t refuse to do what he asks and tell him how his requests are a burden to me. That’s abhorrent. And the worst part is, I know I’ve hurt him. He says he understands, that he forgives me, and I believe him wholeheartedly. The problem is I can’t forgive me. I can’t believe I behaved the way I did. I don’t even know how to recover from this at the moment. I feel wretched, and very undeserving of his love and affection right now. It probably stems from my childhood and always wanting to be a good kid so I wouldn’t get hit or told I was a disappointment. But either way, it’s something deeply engrained in me. I get panicked when I’ve done something I feel is wrong, because it makes me horrified that he’s going to get sick of me if I’m not on par all the time. It’s really not something I have any control over at this time, and it’s rocking my world right now.
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